I feel sometimes like I have a split personality (only two?) and one of them wants to create a travelling circus speakeasy tea house caravan that moves across the entire world.
The other wants a spot of land somewhere the water is clean and the air is fresh and the few neighbours we have are spectacular with a nice little rivercreek and wants to live in an existing or build a tiny house with a colourful butterfly and bee attracting garden and many things to sit on/in that swing and multi-use forts.
For some reason I feel like those two are at odds with each other and until I find a way for them to cohabitate peacefully, contentment will elude me. And I’m not suggesting that these are the only two dreamers vying for the top spot, it’s just that these two are the most constant. Have been for a long long time.
The speakeasy came later than the circus, as I didn’t find out what it meant until much later. The teahouse idea came as a result of hearing about the Twisted Branch Tea Bazaar many years ago from a friend who played there on a US tour. The caravan is pretty much standard operating procedure for me, having been a wandering mendicant for the majority of my adult life.(Having just looked up the word mendicant, I’m not completely convinced that it applies to me, but there is a possibility that it will sometime in the future so I’ll let it stand, also the pictures on wikipedia show various people in awesome hats and people don’t wear enough of those) Putting all of them together in one travelling madcap laughter factory (<–I might call it that, so no one steal that name unless you’re from the estate of Syd Barrett, in which case you have every right since I might have stolen it from him a little bit) was the beautiful brainchild of a most amazing woman I know who has created an amazing time in festival form in my favorite small town in the world thus far. Though I honestly cannot imagine a cooler town of 300 people than Ymir. Sorry, everywhere else, the position has been filled, but if anything comes available, we’ll be sure to let you know.
I don’t know why it had never occured to me to marry these various forms of delight until Carla suggested it, including tutus of course, but when she did it was like a light bulb went off. So the wheels are turning. They might be painted green and blue with silver spokes, who can tell just yet?
I’ve long desired a home, I think it started with a friend who had a play house either built or bought for her and the notion that there could be a tiny house with everything one would need seemed like a sudden and magical possibility. If that house was on a property frequented by dogs and ducks and goats and laughter and music and growing food and running water all the better.
There’s a scene in Harold and Maude when Harold goes to visit Maude for the first time and she lives in a beautifully appointed train car (train car!). Between that and his hybrid hearse/jaguar, that movie was a Trish’s paradise of things to drive and places to live. Harold created a happy medium between hearse and jaguar with the use of a welding torch. Perhaps I should take heart from that. With the right tools/frame of mind/creative focus a melding of two seemingly at odds scenarios/identities/personalities/lifestyles can be fused into a cohesive unit, better for the melding. Except in some instances in Star Trek. I don’t think it fared awesome all the time. But that’s science fiction, let’s not be silly.
And so I’m in a place of figuring out what’s most important or how to connect these seemingly different lives, one of movement and one of stillness. Though those are completely interchangeable depending on the day, I’m sure.
Fortunately, it’s very easy for me to be a dreamer right now. I’ve recently relocated to the seaside temporarily to spend some much needed time with my family on the island. I’ll be looking for work while I’m here and while I don’t know how long that is, it gives me time to sort out which reality suits the nearish future the best. Or perhaps a way to encourage all my realities to co-operate in a sane and beneficial fashion.
But work is for the daytime and the nights are often left to the lovers, the dreamers and me.
Just for the record, I’m all of those things.