I thought to myself, just yesterday, that I don’t have as much magic in my life as I used to.
But that’s not true, it just doesn’t look or taste the same and so I’ve decided it’s left me. Of course it works better when I’m present, but even when I’m not, it is.
I remember when we used to call down the moon, when we would howl at her light and invite her to tea. Dip cookies in the milky beams and carry the waxy weight of her about in our bellies. I look back and recall the fervent intention, the cautious desire, the care as to how I asked because I’ve dwelt within the spaces between often enough to know that I will get exactly what I ask for.
Just because it doesn’t look the way I expected doesn’t mean it’s not right, it just means that my perspective could stand to be broader.
There was such tangibility to it, the way light is both a wave and a particle. Casting spells was akin to stirring honey into hot water, late night alchemical experimentation with the heat and the sweet, then drinking it down to cure whatever ailed me.
And just when I think ‘it’s been a while since I got in touch’,
I see it in the sparkle of the eyes of the grey cat that showed me around the trinket store.
I find a dime heads up, which always means I’m about to receive money.
I glance at the clock and it’s 11:11.
I turn onto a street and see a long line of green lights stretched in front of me.
I am reminded to drink water.
I remember to breathe.
I catch a cheshire cat moon smiling at me from the corner of my eye and remember that neither of us went anywhere. We’re still here, still shining.
I wanted to finish this before midnight. I wanted it to be encompassed within the frame of time that encapsulates December 2nd. Which feels blue, if anyone is wondering. December 3rd feels green, so it’s very obviously a different day.
But it felt disingenuous to force the words regarding magic to fit a certain timeline, and I think that is likely because I might carry expectations that magic should look and feel like it used to.
I don’t look and feel like I used to, why should it? And if anything that should indicate that it most certainly is still with me, because magic is all about the power to transform, to shape or reshape, to invoke the senses so we can more easily discover, have an awareness of how intrinsically we are connected to all of it.
Because we are.