I want to write something that will make you gasp. That will make you..

Wait.
No.

I want to write something that will make me gasp.
Something that will make my heart burn a hole in my goddamn chest
Will make me fall off a chair with delighted surprise
Will wake me up from the dormant state I’ve spent too much time in
and start remembering
what makes me tick.
What makes me beat.
What makes me thump.

What makes me find ease in spontaneity
And rapture in the silly.
What makes me remember how to not take it so personally
What makes me responsible for my own damn happiness.
I’ve become wrapped up and lost in the dream of you
It’s high time I woke up and started living a dream of my own,
Rather than holding the key to this heart of mine
alongside yours
and wondering why they don’t match.

Of course they don’t match.
No ignition is quite the same.
Oh, it might nearly fit and we might be able to fool ourselves into thinking
you can turn me over and fire me up,
Rev this engine and make her growl
A combustion of senses colliding and creating new stars
From an inferno that threatens to turn sanity
to ashes.

But out of a desire to repair my broken self
Using the incompatible parts of another
(parts of you were perfect,
just not for this make or model)
the illusion of calibration
falls out of alignment.

Because without spark
There is no explosion,
There is no roar,
there is no downshift,
no leap,
no forward movement.

And those sunsets
Are not going to drive off
into themselves.