I’m not new to this.
I’ve been down paths and looked for ways in,
ways out,
ways through.

The trepidation that comes of making a decision
To step away from what’s known
what’s comfortable
what’s familiar
can feel really really heavy.
Like when you’re running in a dream but somehow the ground is molasses.
Not totally stuck,
but going nowhere fast.

But what can feel like a step back
might result in three forward,
or it might just be a jump to the left
(and then a step to the ri-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yight. Yes I went there.)
or it might be diagonal
or it might feel like you haven’t moved an inch
but sometimes just making the decision that something needs to change
is the most necessary part.

The best thing about having been there
and done that
is knowing the leap probably won’t kill you
and to be fair,
neither will staying still.



Today’s deck is the White Numen: A Sacred Animal Tarot by Alba Ballesta Gonzalez . I bought it because I love the style of art and you can put animal in the title of anything and I’m pretty much in. I absolutely love this deck. Every single character in it feels like they’re calling me out in a “that’s cool that you believe your own bullshit, but please don’t waste my time” sort of way. But not in a mean or compassionless way.

The three of wands is a card that tends to intimidate me, which sucks because I get it a lot. The reason it intimidates is because it always suggests to me that it’s time to stop talking about it. The Ace is the first spark, the idea. The two is the consideration of what comes next, you’ve got the whole world in your hands, what are you going to do with it? Time to make a plan. And so the three is the fire being lit under your ass, the impetus toward execution of the plan. I think I get it a lot because I feel like I’m constantly in a state of “that’s a brilliant idea! We should do that! Starting things are awesome! Follow through? Not so much…” So the three of wands really really wants me to do more than plan, more than execute. I suppose that means it will keep showing up until I get it.