8 and 7
8 and 7
swords and wands
cups and coins
Feeling hemmed in by the push pull desire
to run amok and stay perfectly still
The world awaits,
and I feel paralyzed by choice
And yet this deep seated yearning for calm
a garden of my own to tend and watch it grow,
watch it evolve
and with it
leaves me wondering if this notion that I have to choose
that I can only have one
is a sort of willful blindness
a prison I’ve entombed myself within,
without consideration that the walls are of my own making.
This place I’ve reached,
through whatever means it took to get me here
is a source of great delight.
The idea that I might ever have conformed,
within a fence
didn’t work then
and doesn’t now.
I’d rather bleed myself dry in the blooming.
When we reach a point
where the thirst becomes greater than
even a torrent
when even the optimist has to admit
that the glass shows no sign of being filled
to the extent it used to be
if it ever was
if we hadn’t just convinced ourselves
that surviving on less than enough moisture to form tears
that we were never so thirsty
that this was fine
that this was enough
that this might have left us parched
but the wanting
made the idea of being drunk
of being saturated with joy
we never really noticed how much it was hurting us
to stay at the table.
At this point,
we’ve come too far to stop now.
May as well keep at it.
Today’s deck is the Moonlight tarot by Inessa and my only regret about this deck is that I didn’t pay the extra to get the gorgeous handmade box which was an only slightly more costly option. There is a luscious darkness to this deck. Her images are somewhat traditional, but they have a personalized interpretation at times, which can make them feel both intricate and expansive. If I’m doing a reading with this deck, it’s not a quick one. There is too much story here for that.
This is the first time I pulled one of each suit and the fact that I pulled an 8,7,8.7 just felt like I should honor that weirdness. I’m really enjoying how much my perspective of this poetry journey is broadening, not just the stories of the cards, but what I’m being dealt and how I’m reacting to that. Some days it’s like a bright open sky, nothing can hide here, just basking in the reflection of what’s happening and other days it’s as though there are clouds moving in such a way that the view is obscured, but I know there are stars up there somewhere so may as well keep reaching for them.