I feel this burden of push
Of fire
Of feeling my way through without any notion of how.

I learned rhythm in the womb
This in-out of breath-not-breath
While submerged
And dreaming.

I’ve been dreaming within dreams lately,
As though my subconscious doesn’t trust me to read the signs
And is having a private party
On it’s behalf.
Half the time I don’t even know what the next word is going to be
How can I be expected to know what the next decision,
the next job,
the nextpectation might encompass?

How is it that someone with such a sharp memory
Has such trouble looking back?
How is it that someone who can keep time when it’s important
Has such trouble recognizing patterns
Within her own existence?

It’s not totally true that I don’t know what words come next,
but there is a certain flow
that is some days water
some days air
and some days all the way fire.

It takes more than one element
to create
and even then, the balance has to be just right.

I don’t always feel like doing it.
But it will get done.
It’s just what we do.

 

Today’s deck is Light Seer’s Tarot.