It’s inevitable,
this shift,
this change,
this morphing into new place
new person
new paradigm.
There are cellular schisms happening consistently
We’re just really slow to catch up here on the outer side of things.
Imagine having no sense of the profound changes rocketing through one’s body
but thinking you know what’s going on
in general.

Everything I know is extraordinarily humbled
by the immensity of what I’ll never know.
Is this what 47 is?
Have I reached yet another place of recognition
that everything which has come before this
is an illusory connfidence that the world
and my place in it
is finally starting to make sense?

My god, it’s full of stars
could easily apply to me
And does
because that’s where I came from,
Well, there and the ocean,
which I’m still not sure I should have left
all those generations ago.

I think about the generations of fear mongering
Of this notion that we were kicked out of paradise
and have been struggling to return
have been dieting and fasting and
emotionally making ourselves smaller in the hope
we might squeeze under the gate or something.
That there are people who have been buying their way back in
That there are people who have been praying their way back in
That we ever left it.

Ok yes, I would like to have an actual garden
in an actual yard
attached to actual land
where I can create a sanctuary
for creatures the world has mistreated,
(and when I say world I mean people)
and that includes us.
But that doesn’t mean I’m waiting for the space,
for the room
for permission.
Every windowsill is potential garden space,
I am blessed with the mobility
to help my garden shift
from one sunbeam to the next
and me along with it.


Today’s deck is the Phantomwise Tarot by Erin Morgenstern. It’s circus-y storybook appearance has much appeal for me, someone who really thought she would run away and join the circus at some point. I think that dream was quelled when I watched La Strada by Fellini, which I know isn’t a totally accurate portrayal of circus life, but I was able disengage from my romantic notions of it somewhat.
The deck has a simple flavour to it. It feels like the creation of someone who really likes tarot decks and had an idea of what they’d like to see and it does have a whimsical quality to it, which I can appreciate.

Death. That card which so many see and panic. Used as an ominous warning of impending doom, and yet is just a reminder that nothing stays, that we’re never stuck. Death comes in the middle of the major arcana, in no way does that suggest an ending.

The 9 of pentacles is a great card for a wannabe gardener/animal sanctuary/magical tree grove dweller to get. It’s a sense of home that is so chill, so abundant and cozy, that birds feel comfortable just hanging with you. I’ve planted so many flowers in my windowsill garden beds which should attract bees and hummingbirds and pollinators galore and it makes me so sad that I live on the fifth floor of an apartment and there is a slim to no chance that it will benefit any of them. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it anyway, if it makes me happy.

So who cares if it makes sense.
Does it make you happy?