I’ve always been in such a hurry to go.
There were so many places to see,
and so many different people to be,
reinventing myself became a habit I didn’t consider I’d ever want to give up.

If I were to map the the motion of all the thinks that I’d thought
Would I see a pattern in the movement?
Would I notice a trend in trajectory?
Would I recognize the patterns of my day to day
as reflected in my origin story?

“Where you come from is gone,
where you thought you were going to
weren’t never there,
and where you are, ain’t no good ‘less you can get away from it.”

is a line from a film starring Brad Dourif,
used in a song
which is just one within the soundtrack
of the tale I exist within.

There are so many components to us all,
and no way to make sense of where this habit started,
where that tendency came from.

The better questions might be,
is it working?
And if not, how do I let it go,
or perhaps transform it into something that does?

Even when still, we’re in motion,
a flux of blood and breath and cellular combinations finding their way
without knowing that they were ever lost.

I feel caught in a pushme-pullyou
of desire to know
and the need to let go
Of anything resembling
The illusion of control.

 

Today’s deck is Grimalkin’s Curious Cats Tarot