I’ve forgotten how to shut it off,
the noise.
I seek out the distraction
the dopamine
the quick fix for something that was never broken.

The excess of entertainments
and the envy that comes of wanting more
the illusion that what I have is not enough
that I am not enough
without it.

I used to live at the top of a mountain,
my view was expansive.
I was often alone and quite content to be.
What did I need beyond what already existed there
or could be found in weekly trips to the library?

Like the proverbial pilgrim
set loose into the wilds of the world
I embraced the sensuality of it all.
The tactile, the tasty,
my cravings were concupiscent.
And I moved through life as a pleasure seeker,
my boundaries flung further afield with each new experience.

And one day I realized that I missed the mountain.
I missed the quiet,
the solitude,
the sense of seclusion with an expansive view.
And so I withdrew as much as felt necessary
the pendulum swung toward isolation
which is not necessarily synonymous
with quiet.

I do think there is a way to achieve balance.
To find stillness and sociability
In equal measure.
I’ve become better at refining my resourcefulness
with expectations of engagement.
There is a way to shine,
a light which attracts,
not the mindlessness of creatures
who will bash themselves against even an idea of light
without consideration
that they are living ghosts haunting their own lives,
but those kindred spirits
who recognize the shimmer and gleam
of a light that shines from within.

~~~~~

Today’s deck is Cirque du Tarot by Leeza Robertson with art by Josh Tufts. It is cartoonish but in a most thoughtful way. Some of the cards are not necessarily traditional but their correlation to the spectacle that is le cirque is exceptional. There is a lovely compassionate perspective with these cards, which surprised me and I love it when my expectations are subverted. It’s still new to me, I’m still learning it, but I’m very much enjoying the experience.

The Hermit is a dear friend and I’m always happy to see this card. I grew up so very solo, and learned early the benefit of being able to spend time not just by oneself but with oneself. It’s a quality I think is immeasurably important, especially given all the noise and haste of the world we exist in. And it’s a good reminder that the light the hermit carries has been cultivated, its brightness depends entirely on me.