Bombarded by choice,
by options and distractions,
by illusions and what ifs
which would you choose?
Is it enough for something to feel true?
Or would you rather it hurt but be sincere?
The opportunity to soar or slither,
is sometimes just a matter of perspective.
Emotional state of being
given space to flourish
and rule without being ruled by.
Whether deep enough to drown
or shallow enough to offer an illusion of safety
the potential for reflection is just as clear
if one feels ready to see it.
even dreams of fire
start with spark
Gathering kindling is a good place to start.
Ideas need fuel
Today’s deck is the Gill Tarot by Josephine Gill. It seems unbelievably appropriate to use this as the last deck of the month because it’s one of the first decks I used. The images are traditional within the majors, but in the minor arcana, there is a looser interpretation. Not a bad one, by any means. There is a clarity to this deck, and not just because she has included words as descriptors.
I cheated a bit this time in that I deliberately chose the third card. It was my favourite in the deck when I first encountered it. She showed up for me a lot, and I felt as though the princess of wands was likely the best representative of where I was at when this deck crossed my path at 16.
I was feeling a bit burnt out yesterday and really planned to stop. But that seems so silly in hindsight, given that I only had one day left. My motivation for quitting was that I was feeling as though the words have been diluted a bit, and that doesn’t sit well. I owe them so much, they give me more than I’m probably ever aware of. I’m constantly torn between feeling worthy of earning a living using them, and wanting this purity of art to be maintained. I’ve not found a balance yet. I might never. But I know I won’t stop writing.
There are things which come into our lives, sometimes early, sometimes later, and they just settle in. It could be a person, a hedgehog, a particular shade of blue, a jazz riff, something that just feels like home. Writing isn’t the only thing like that for me, but it’s the most consistent.
I suppose I feel as though it’s shown up for me so much, I want to return the favour. And a steady writing habit is one way of doing that, regardless of whether it becomes my career or not. I also think that I learned there is a certain grace to opting out now and then, which was definitely the message the cards were sending yesterday. Not so much opting out as opting into a rest. Sound advice no matter if it’s day one or day 30.
And today’s message seems to reiterate the notion that options abound, and the best way to choose is through consideration of possibility and how it engages the heart, and letting yourself being transformed by the experience. It’s kind of inevitable, may as well embrace it.