Self-Realization – Page 2 – Eccentric Exploration

So, this is me. But only somewhat.

by Trish / 09/05/2017

An experiment in autobiography, rehashed and relayed. I don’t often post things that were written at an earlier date, I just don’t feel the same way as when I wrote it. And this isn’t necessarily something that needs saying, but I’ve been having a hard time with the words lately. I was born a diamond, rough and ripped from a womb serrated by cancer, a miracle, a fighter, youngest fire in the zodiac, star gazer springtime april showered with affection.…

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Musings and reflection Self-Realization

Exhaustion.

by Trish / 28/03/2017

This might tear you open, but I’m not sorry. You’re not a banana, you’ll probably heal up just fine. I’m just so fucking tired. I’m tired of laughing like it’s funny. It’s not. I’m tired of brushing it off. I’m tired of trying to convince myself I wanted it to happen to make it more palatable somehow. I’m tired of saying things like, “No, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to grope and try to kiss me now that…

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Musings and reflection Self-Realization

I remember

by Trish / 12/12/2016

I remember magic. When I first learned to love soft light, the variations on colour and glow, how a room changed dynamically into a space, alien, but more like home at the same time. I remember how music sounded different, there seemed to be a softness to it. I remember how the air felt colder and warmer at the same time. The wind didn’t bite, it belonged. I remember the weight of the room changing with every present under the…

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Musings and reflection Self-Realization

Disconnecting to reconnect

by Trish / 06/12/2016

“Have you tried turning it off and on again?” Restart. Reboot. Reset. Readjust. Rework. Realign. Result? I have, in the past, touted myself as the patron saint of trickster gods. What does that mean? The short answer is that I advocate for the benefit of intelligent mischief makers who take delight in messing with the status quo. But while that’s not the subject of my ponderings in this moment, it does makes sense that I would lead with that. No, for the…

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Musings and reflection Self-Realization

Keeping it simple

by Trish / 10/10/2016

The amount of time I spend tangled in my own thoughts feels kind of insane at times. I’m sure it’s like this for everyone, isn’t it? The spirals of late night anguish coupled with an incessant need to rehash and rewrite every conversation I’ve had since I was nine? Even when I’m not trying to confound myself with my ability to consider scenarios that defy reason and gravity, much less reality, I concoct convoluted plots involving complicated characters that no…

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Musings and reflection Self-Realization

Stepping stones

by Trish / 15/09/2016

Since I was little, I wanted to be a writer. I would pretend that I had written the books I was reading, dreaming of a day when my books would be in print. I stumbled onto the style I liked best quite early, when my mum inadvertently bought me an anthology of Roald Dahl’s stories when I was 10. I don’t know if she realized that his adult stories were quite a bit overtly darker than his kids stories. I…

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Musings and reflection Self-Realization

I’m scared to bring my bed inside

by Trish / 04/09/2016

I paid rent yesterday. I made a monetarily committed decision to stay in one place for at least a month. Instantly, my brain lurched into a panic and started thinking about how far I could get on the money I had left. It’s not a real panic, of course. It’s not the kind of reaction that results in someone stepping up and slapping me across the face, grasping my shoulders and shaking me while screaming, “Get a hold of yourself!”…

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