I’m having a really hard time with this one.
Today I have to try to illustrate aliveness (she breathed!) through short story(once upon a time she breathed), poem (she inhaled breath like it gave her life for living) or reflection about myself (When I breathe on a mirror, I know I’m alive!). Describe myself in third person (which, sorry, but Trish finds that creepy) in my most optimal creative flow (what?) and deep connection (I’m touching it!) with the whole of life (I’m touching all of it!). Include sensory details (sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing).

It’s lovely that someone came up with these, but what the fuck is my most optimal creative flow? As well, a deep connection with the whole of life? It sounds like hippy bullshit. Which just makes me think ehhhhh, I’m skipping to 12. But first, a disclaimer.

I do not suggest that all hippies are full of bullshit.
I do not suggest that I am never full of bullshit.
I do not suggest that there will be some people those statements resonate with and will be champions of this assignment.
I am not suggesting that the things people write in their most optimal creative flow and/or in connection with the whole of life wouldn’t be awesome and delightful and really quite good.
I just read those sentences and it made me confused and angry, hence all the swearing and running away. Dang. Do I have to face every challenge? I’m so tired. Yeah, tonight I’m running away.
Two pieces of advice, ‘never fight when you can run’ and ‘if you’re going to eat messy food, eat it over the sink’. Thanks Robert Heinlein.

So! Day 12..a manifesto! Which makes me think of communism and that chick who shot andy warhol and her scum manifesto. I’m sure there are other manifestos I could come up with if I really thought about it, but that doesn’t get me any closer to my own. To be honest, I have no idea what makes a manifesto “a manifesto”. I imagine it to be a code of sorts, a list of suggestions as to how to do something or live a particular way. All the way through this, I read the prompts and react to them, writing what comes to mind, rather than researching the origins of what I’m writing about. Which is likely why it seems I might be missing the plot completely on some of them. But some days I miss the plot and other days I know exactly what’s going to happen, without needing the music swelling crescendo to suggest it. I appreciate the balance in that. I wonder if one day the writing prompt will be say something without yammering on about many other things which are totally irrelevant to what you’re supposed to be talking about…that will be a challenge for sure.

Day 12 – Five point manifesto on why I write

-I write because it keeps me sane. When I don’t write, I get loopy. In the bad way. The need to write for other people to see is relatively new and I’m slightly uncomfortable with it. I don’t want to reach a point where I’m only writing for the external validation. Ultimately, this is for me, but I’m growing more comfortable in my own skin every day and so don’t have as many hangups about being judged, which does make sharing much easier.

-I write because I love words. I love how they can change the way someone feels instantly, how they can capture every single layer and have an experience I’ve never known make perfect sense.

-I write because I’m better with words than I think I am and love to consistently surprise myself. The amount of times I have written something, gone back, read it and been amazed that it came from me is countless. That my mind could conceive of something that feels so poignant and true and funny, oh my gosh, sometimes I find myself so funny, makes me never want to stop doing that. I find it frustrating when I can’t, but I know that I will again, because it’s love.

-I write because people I admire do so and I want to emulate them. I admire astronauts, scientists, cooks, people who aren’t scared of horses, skateboarders, rock climbers, drummers, free divers, bookkeepers (not just because of the three double letter action), filmmakers, cave explorers, et al. But while I admire many different people who do many different things, I have never really had a desire to do any of those things. Which is ok. There are lots of people already engaged in those activities.

-I write because I want to make people feel the way my favourite authors make me feel. Great musicians and film directors also give me joy nearly on the same level but I like that a book engages my imagination to such a degree that I can’t help but be involved.

-I write because it’s what I do. There is no not doing it. That’s it.