It tends to be heaviest when one applies it themselves.
Like a moisturizer which dries out your skin,
this notion of setting one’s self up for the possibility
of falling short
Is opposite to the intended
Or ideally helpful effect.
the expectation that I’m going to write something every day
and post a song that I’ve recorded
carries a weight that makes me dread
letting myself down
by not showing up.
But sometimes showing up
Taking a break.
Having the expectation that just because something has been done once
and felt good
or felt like how it is to do art
or gave one a sense of purpose
of being capable of follow through
In no way suggests that every day needs
To look the same.
I often do this.
I have a day where exercise happens
or good eating happens
or good writing
And I think that if I can recreate this day
over and over again
the world will make sense
and I will sort out my place in it.
And then I eat too much sugar
Or write a silly poem that doesn’t even rhyme or have anything resembling a logical meter
or skip leg day
or spend too much time playing video games instead of the piano
And the inability to meet the expectations I’ve slathered all over myself
leaves me feeling parched.
Not every day is going to be the same.
It’s a good reminder to be gentle with myself
and stay hydrated.