My thought process is jumbled up fragments of misplaced song lyrics, I am genuinely not sure how to nail down which one of these petals in the wind was first.
This prompt certainly hearkens back to the tabula rasa one a little bit. It seems as though there is a plot by my brain to reset things, to free me from the shackles of the things I carry about like some literary marleys dragging preconceived notions of how things should be all over.
Yes I added that because of the season but also because muppets are awesome.
I woke up this morning with the song ‘I’m late’ from Alice in Wonderland sung in the style of ‘What’s this’ from nightmare before christmas, so things are animated around here, to say the least.
Like the marleys, I carry things around that really aren’t necessary anymore, that don’t serve and yet I’m having trouble putting them down. I’m not sure if it’s because on some level I think it was right for those things to happen? Or because I’ve just been carrying it so long I’m not sure how I’d look without it.
Here’s a scenario.
Someone is a jerk to me, causing me stress and unhappiness. That stress crawls inside of me and makes itself at home so that every time anything shows up which reminds me of this person I immediately recoil. I cut myself off from so many experiences just because I don’t want anything to do with that person, but I’m the one ascribing parts of my existence to them, regardless of whether we’ve had any further contact or not.
And beyond that, I am consistently telling a story about the original experience now. One where I was a victim of their obvious malicious intent, which casts me in a role I didn’t ask for, but one I step into because that suggests that they were wrong and I was right.
What a very wrong kind of right this is. There is no satisfaction to be had in being in the right in a situation like this. There is only an ever deepening chasm that keeps me from fully experiencing the world around me.
And so I admit that using this as a prompt is my way of gaining ground on those thoughts, those memories that tied me in knots and kept me from isolating that experience into a place that has no ripple effect and keeps me from exploring the way a creative person should be allowed to, without fear.