It gets difficult as time goes on. I’ve become cluttered with data, information I’ll never use, with no discernible benefit.
It just takes up space.
I envy my laptop, my junk drawer.
Every so often I take the time, go through it and toss what is no longer necessary.
Is it possible to do the same with one’s mind?
To reset it back to a place where I have space for things that matter?
Okay, there is a maddening amount of tabula rasa/blank slate/reset/uncarved block themes going on for me this month. I think I’ve just dealt for so long with habits that I knew to be bullshit I’ve grown tired of it and my brain is all for booting out the interlopers and making a fresh start with room to breathe.
The reality is this, the things I’ve done have worked for me. That doesn’t mean they will continue to do so, or that I owe them any fealty for the time we’ve spent together.
I have had many good times while drunk and high. The fact that I don’t get drunk or high anymore does not negate those experiences, invalidate them. I think there is sometimes this notion that if one wants to start fresh, there needs to be an overhaul of the self, to become a different person than I used to be, to encompass all the new wonderful habits and qualities, characteristics.
I’ll be softer, more generous with my time. I’ll remember birthdays and send actual letters to accompany all the stamps I keep buying to enable the actual letter writing person I have this romantic notion of being. I’ll eat healthy food every meal, write every day, finish what I start.
But I have this expectation that I will access all those qualities as of whatever day I decide day 1 is.
I don’t give any quarter to the reality that I have spent a really long time in one mode, and shifting my perspective is probably going to take longer than a handful of days.
But who knows? Maybe it will work out exactly like that.
I’ll keep an open mind and see how it goes.
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