From where I sit the light is fading, but the clouds obscure any definition of colour, so I will have to make my own in this, and likely other, moments.
The sky is vast, the horizon broad, and I am grateful. My view has expanded, and with it, perspective that I can have the things I desire without losing myself or my integrity in the art of the level up. For so long I’ve carried this notion that in order to stay true to my ideals it means I have to live with less.
I think there is a way to balance desire and contentment, I’m still working on it because if I was truly content, there should be nothing I desire, isn’t that so? And yet I see nothing wrong with seeking more comfort, more ease, more room to breathe both physically and mentally. So while I am certainly content with who and where I am, I have no issue with the desire to find ways to have less stress, and more laughter.
From where I sit, I know that if I lean forward just a bit and glance to the right, I’ll easily see a university on top of a hill. Learning is something to strive for, and the geographical metaphor is not lost on me. On January 4 I’ll be starting classes. Nothing major, just some academic upgrading that will fulfill the educational requirements of some courses I may or may not enroll in later this year, depending on how long I want to be in school, and what my end goals are.
It may be that nothing tangible comes of the decision to upgrade, that I’ll have had my fill of scholarly pursuits by May and finally decide that writing full time is the best fit, and so there is no reason to do anything else. But there is always space to learn more.
Otherwise, my plans this year include a focus on writing, reading, and learning. I’ve managed to create a bit of space where that is accessible for me, and I’m rather excited about that.
I know there is a lot of feeling around the massive upheaval and stress that seemed a staple of 2020, and many people are glad to see it gone. But what if it was the thing that made us stronger? Made us kinder? Gave us more patience and a broad enough shift in perspective to understand that things need to change? Gave us the tools necessary to implement that change, to grow and move forward in a way that we never imagined possible?
Either way, it’s been a hell of a ride.
And whatever happens next, I’m here for it, and happy to be.
I wish you happy, too.