How lovely it is to have the wherewithal, the courage, the resources, the time, the energy, the wisdom to fall freely into something. So many live a life that is dictated by need, by hunger, by duty, by expectations both personal and societal, by ignorance, by struggle and powerlessness.
If the opportunity presents itself, why not fall in love? And I’m not talking specifically about romantic interpersonal relationships, though I’m definitely a fan of such things. After all, what’s the point of having a heart if you don’t open it wide enough to break once in a while?
But I’m speaking more of that sort of falling in love with the moment. That thoughtless, weightless freedom that comes with vibrating on a frequency which aligns with a place of sensory accuracy, where I’m not overwhelmed or hungry for anything in particular.
There is this space where it’s possible to let things happen because it’s possible to intrinsically know everything is going to work out. It’s not a feeling that has much permanence, that’s why it’s called ‘the zone’ and not ‘the entirety of the existential landscape’.
For me it typically happens when I’m writing regularly (hence my prompty prompts – so I don’t have to think about what to write and just do), when I forget to think about what comes next while dancing tango, when I get lost in a good hula hoop session, when the wave is where my self and my surfboard think it is, when I’m reading a book that transports me to the extent it’s great I live alone because all the screaming (with joy, horror, embarrassment, etc), when I let myself exist outside of expectations I might have about where I should be by now, what I should have accomplished today or within the last decade.
Thoughts are heavy, even when they’re positive. They contain lessons and reminders, hopes and dreams, shame and humiliations, laughter and sensuality, all sorts of things which blend and make up the person we are. It’s difficult to feel light and unburdened when there is so much we carry without having any notion of where we picked it up or how to put it down without feeling like we’re losing a part of ourselves. It’s like that principle where you have a table saw that you carry around from place to place thinking one of these days I’m going to take an active interest in woodwork and then I’ll need this. But honestly? You never will so you let it go and then 20 minutes later you come across a hedgehog trapped in a dollhouse and dang it! I could have used that table saw! I knew I should have kept carrying it in perpetuity!
I know that’s a terrible example because why would you risk harming the hedgehog by using something as overkill-y as a table saw to open up a dollhouse. It’s obviously for the best that I let it go because I apparently don’t know what they’re actually used for. Also, it turns out I’m speaking of a circular saw, which is much different.
I’m going to take that as a sign that I’m tired and it’s time to free fall into bed.
One last reminder, I love you. Be gentle with yourself, we’re all learning as we go. Don’t forget to breathe.