Well, here I am again, in the apartment I moved into nearly exactly 5 years ago. That I moved out of almost exactly 2 years ago. Recently one year older, still having managed to stay away from debt, school, serious relationships and accidental pregnancy. Yay me!
In my 2 year absence from Vancouver I’ve managed to include a thumb severing and reattachment, a whirlwind tour of Europe, a couple of northern ontario winters and a month in Costa Rica learning to surf and acquiring a tattoo that my father believes is far too big. But that’s kind of his duty.
Have I grown? I hope so. Have I learned much? Certainly. Have I matured with more of an idea as to what I want to be when I grow up? Hmm..that’s where it gets fuzzy. I still have yet to cultivate the desire to be involved in a steady romantic relationship, to stick with any job/career in particular or settle in any one place and own property. I really do appreciate the idea of having some place that is mine, I just don’t know that I need that place to be the same one for any longer than the moderately forseeable future.
The newest dream involves a surf hostel in Costa Rica, mostly because the surf there is awesome, the weather is dreamy, the people are great and did I mention the surf? It would seem that any travel plans I have for the present revolve around whether or not I can surf there. I predict a summer filled with trips to the westcoast of the island, for more than just the typical wave I catch in July. I must admit, the idea of surfing in a wet suit is slightly less abhorrent than not surfing at all, but honestly, I’d prefer to be somewhere it’s not needed.
I realize that it would be folly to decide after one visit to Costa Rica that this is the place for me, especially since there are so many places I have yet to visit. The inland ones don’t have as much appeal for me anymore. I used to think that I could live in Paris, but I realize now, after having spent so much time away from the ocean, I’m really not happy anywhere else. I think it’s possible I could live in the kootenays, but perhaps after the huge ass tsunami hits and the whole west coast is under water…I hope I’ll have a board handy.
I am happy to be back in Vancouver for more than just the ocean, the proximity to my family and friends I’ve missed so much and sushi for dinner every day. There’s not a whole lot of tango dancers in northern ontario. Or the kootenays for that matter. And that, we have here. Just up the street from me. Yay me again!
So here I am, come full circle. What will I do in Vancouver for work? Something nice and part time that will allow me trips to the island for visits and waves? I wonder how long that will last. The cost of living in Vancouver is high and part time working while living here is not conducive to saving money for travel to all those beaches I have yet to visit.
In some ways it’s very hard for me to be here because coming full circle feels a bit like I haven’t really moved forward. I’ve come over all ouroboros-y. Gnawing on my own tail. Crap! I’ve been back all of 3 days and already I’m having misgivings! Well, perhaps it’s like a haircut, at first you hate it because it’s strange and different and not how you’re accustomed to seeing things, but after some time you settle into an ease of being every time you look in the mirror. Which should never happen with a tattoo. You should like a tattoo right off the bat. Even if later you come to realize it doesn’t really represent where you’re at anymore and get it covered with something that does.
Queen of off-topic.
I guess I’m a little bit scared that because I’ve come back it means that nothing has changed. Not with Vancouver (ok, to an extent with Vancouver) There are all kinds of observable differences around the city, friends’ kids are growing into little humans that I can finally interact with, without feeling all creeped out and since I have no idea what I’ll be doing for work yet the city feels less like it revolves around marinas and boats and has a much more urban feel.
I have changed as well…haven’t I? I just hope that I’ve evolved enough that I don’t fall into those habits I didn’t like as much the last time I was living here. Such as? I’ll save that rant for another post.
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