It’s that thing that shifts, depending on where you’re standing at the time.

That thing you can’t have until you have some.

How frustrating to be young and know so much without realizing that you know very little and won’t know that you know very little until you know enough to know that you don’t really know shit.

It’s a first rate upset,
a flipped switch reset
a mostly unsafe bet
And stuff you’ve not learned yet.

Time lets us think it runs linear,
(what proof is there that it’s any different than this?)
and horizons stretch sideways
while in front (future)
and behind (past).

But what about the depth and breadth of existence?
What about the sum of what is known
juxtaposed with what is seen
Squared by what is experienced?
Or maybe cubed as we’re mostly three dimensional.

(I say mostly because there was that time on dmt when a cartoon panda inhabiting the flat space on the back of Shameless’ hooded sweater begged to differ)

And that’s it, really.
Who are we to say that this perspective
Is the most accurate
the most true
Or even real.

Reality is that thing which, even if you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.
But we convince ourselves that things are real all the time, when they are not.
We believe things we think, without any insight into how that information found us,
or if it’s worth believing.
We operate on biased filters that let in what feels comfortable and reject the stories that don’t support a narrative we’ve come to depend on for the sake of feeling like we’re in control of something,
anything.

Here’s the thing.
I’m not in control. I know that.
There is much that happens (regardless of whether we entertain the notion of fate, destiny, what have you) that will happen whether or not I have any input in the outcome.
But a seeming lack of control does not mean I am an inactive participant in the daily goings on of the great swirl that is existence.

Even as I write this, I acknowledge that my perspective is only mine.
It’s easy for me to say that bad stuff happens to everyone and how we react to it is what makes us mighty,
but I’ve never really had anything heart-torn-out-and-drop-kicked-into-the-stratosphere-awful happen to me.
Then again,
maybe I have,
and I just didn’t see it that way.